My photo
I want nothing more than to be that sexy, moody, artistic waif, lounging in a coffeeshop writing poetry, existing off of black coffee and cigarettes.


Saturday, May 1, 2010

Age: 17
Height: 5'8
Weight: 131.2

Highest Weight: 132

Lowest Weight: Since i started caring, 112
Goal Weight: 110

Favorite Diet Food:
low fat soy ice cream, vegetables&fruit, vitamin water

Favorite Binge Food:
pasta, pizza, chocolate, kraft dinner

Favorite Exercise:
anything with music and alone

Favorite Thinspo?
gorgeous super-thin chicks

Where Do You Slip Up?
when low-fat foods, or foods i normally eat, aren't available.

When Did It Start?
i remember in grade 4 it was a competition of who weighed less. 
but when i consciously started losing/maintaining weight would have been at about 12 or 13.

Does Anyone Know?
maybe two people in my life. one i don't talk to anymore. the other is never around. 

Do You Want Help?
haha i want help to be thinner, and more controlled. 
but i don't need to get "better".

How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day?
Typically under 600

What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?
unloved, podgy, imperfect, ugly, stupid

Are You In A Relationship?
not yet

Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends?
my friends are all thinspo-thin. 
i've just barely escaped being the fat one.

Are You Depressed?

Ever Tried To Commit Suicide?
No, but i have thought about it, 
though more of consideration to purpose, not planning. 

Ever Been To A Psychologist?
a counselor.

I AM -
[ ] anorexic
[x] ED-NOS
[ ] bulimic

[ ] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[x] thirsty
[x] drinking something
[ ] Under 100lbs
[x] starving yourself
[ ] participating in a fast

[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/​bulimic (used to when i was skinny.)
[ ] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[ ] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[ ] wish I’d eat more
[ ] Don't know I still am anorexic/​bulimic
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/​bulimic

[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[ ] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[ ] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia

[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[x] shaking
[x] being weak
[x] losing weight
[x] being anorexic/​bulimic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/had braces.
[ ] I wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercings.
[x] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.

[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home. (kind of i suppose.)
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[x] I've had my trousers rip in public.

[x] I'm single (not for long.)
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger. (well i met him and hours later ?)
[x] I have kissed a stranger. (same as above)

[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[ ] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[ ] I've cheated while playing a game.
[ ] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.

[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I regularly drink.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm upset.
[ ] I take anti-​depressants.​
[x] I'm anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying

[x] I've lost weight
[x] I've gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.

[ ] I'm at my thinnest
[x] I'm at my biggest
[x] I've lost weight and kept it off
[x] I've lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[ ] I weigh myself daily

[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[x] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[x] I feel happy when I'm hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I've skipped a meal
[x] I've thrown food away
[x] I've spit food out
[x] I've fasted
[ ] I've taken diet pills
[ ] I've used laxatives
[x] I've purged

[x] I exercise
[ ] I exercise so I can eat
[x] I work out secretly
[x] I work out daily
[x] I exercise to counteract eating
[x] I've fainted from exhaustion (i was sick and starving myself haha.)

I've done:
[x] Weed
[x] Cigarettes
[x] Alcohol
[ ] Diet pills
[ ] Pain killers
[ ] Anti-​depressants
[ ] Ecstasy
[ ] LSD
[ ] Mushrooms
[ ] Speed
[ ] Cocaine
[ ] Other

[x] I keep my eating habits a secret
[x] I have a ED blog
[x] I look at thinspo
[x] I collect thinspo
[x] I condone pro-ana/mia sites

[x] I count calories
[x] I've had negative intake days
[x] I avoid food
[x] I hate food
[x] I love food

[x] I want to be this way
[ ] I don't want to be like this
[x] I wish I could have more control
[x] Being thin is my top priority
[x] I don't want to get better
[ ] I am in treatment

[x] I'm doing this for me
[ ] I'm doing this for someone
[x] I'm doing this to prove myself