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I want nothing more than to be that sexy, moody, artistic waif, lounging in a coffeeshop writing poetry, existing off of black coffee and cigarettes.


Thursday, May 20, 2010

I find it ironic,
and amusing,
how my mother always worried about the wrong daughter.

I didn't even think about it until today
which is strange.

my younger sister Dee
mom was always getting me to check up on her
talk to her make sure she was okay

she'd always come to me,
worrying Dee had an eating disorder.
(No she didn't.)
worrying Dee was cutting herself.
(No she wasn't.)

It's so unbelievably ironic
that my mother was worried about my sister
doing things she never had an interest in
when i was already caught in the midst of their web.

why did she never worry about me ?

I almost would like to be so painfully skinny
that no one can help but notice i have a problem.
I'd like her to stop herself and think.

think about how she always put so much effort in
worrying about the wrong daughter.

when the one that needed her concern was right in front of her.

so she can stop and realize
that first she had worried Dee was cutting,
but whoops no that was me.

then she had worried Dee wasn't eating
whoops sorry,
that was me with the fear of food for years.
my bad.

I love my mother,
don't get me wrong,
she's my world.

but i don't know.
i just find it slightly insulting.