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I want nothing more than to be that sexy, moody, artistic waif, lounging in a coffeeshop writing poetry, existing off of black coffee and cigarettes.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Is it bad that i'm actually pissed that all of a sudden everyone has angelbites ?
even C just got hers done moments after i got my fucking dahlias.

when i got angelbites,
no one had them.
there were like 3 pictures on the fucking internet of them. =/
well okay trace cyrus had them too so besides him.
3 people.

grr it's sad how possessive i was of them.
and how it still bothers me that all of a sudden they're popping up everywhere =/

I'm torn between pulling S closer and pushing him away farther.
I want to just cry to him and make him make everything alright.
but i don't want to be the clingy fucking girlfriend.
but trying NOT to be clingy,
i know i'm going to hurt myself in the process.
i just feel so much for him.
it's scaring me a bit.

i guess i'm starting to get scary.
i had to bite my finger today while studying in the library

today i got home after being with S and just felt numb.
i got to my room and i just kept cutting
and it just didn't feel like enough.
even though it was the best i've had in awhile.

it didn't feel like enough.

i was actually tracing lines down my veins.
that's what scared me.
i didn't cut,
but it was like my mind was toying with the idea.

because i don't want to just cut in my neat little lines anymore
i need change.

i'm such a fucking creep. =P