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I want nothing more than to be that sexy, moody, artistic waif, lounging in a coffeeshop writing poetry, existing off of black coffee and cigarettes.


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Yea, I talk a shitload today.
sorry guys, you'll just have to deal =P

I got a texting buddy, Ellie.
She seems nice, i like that we have our OCD things in common.
She's texting me in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure what being a texting buddy entails ?
i'll have to ask her.

So I did a bad bad thing.
I overstepped my calorie goal for the day,
then rationalized it.
that wasn't that bad.

then the evil little fat fucker in me was like ... ice cream ... ice creaam !
so i rationalized that yes i was good today,
yes i got enough exercise,
yes i should have some ice cream.
so i did.

i didn't enjoy it as much as i thought i would,
but the fatty in me still ate it all and craved more.
lucky my nana had the last bowl.
i'm just hoping i don't gain anymore.
i think i already went up to 127 this morning.

ohhhh but i did just start my period.
shit, no wonder i'm getting intense cravings.

well. i guess i should just make a special diet plan for my period weeks ?
that allows more snacking, but still has low enough calories to lose a bit.
and  not too much exercise, i'm already so tired on my period.

i am now eating a rice cake because i have the insane desire to CHEW.
does anyone else get that ?
and only real food does it, gum doesn't help this,
which i hate.

i can't chew and spit, cuz i am being watched.
and i duhno, it feels so wierd ?

i just want to sit and eat a full meal. ='[
and i really want to rationalize that i should be allowed, since i'm on my period,
and it'll make me feel better,
and i won't gain that much,
and i can lose it back right away when my periods done.

but Ana me is fighting fucking hard, bless her soul.
I'm hoping she wins.
but she's not as persuasive as reasonable, healthy, (aka fat) me.


On the bright side, S is sooo fucking aamazing,
can't say it enough.
yea, i'm addicted to his kisses.

augh i'm so tired i don't know if i can even do any.
maybe i should just give up and wing the fucking test. x.x

night night lovelies, i love you all,
and i love the blogs i follow, because they're so thinspirational.

i'm sooo not fucking liking period-week.