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I want nothing more than to be that sexy, moody, artistic waif, lounging in a coffeeshop writing poetry, existing off of black coffee and cigarettes.


Saturday, May 29, 2010

There are bloggers out there with 300+ subscribers
and i get excited when i see i have a sixth. =P
i'm still happy you've decided to follow me,
all of you lovely people.

i'd like to get to know you all better ?

add my msn.

i'm definitely not inspiring today.

i've always sucked at fasting.
which is why i'm so good at restricting.
hence restricting,
rather than fasting.

yet i keep trying to fast
and then it turns to an all-day binge.

god, what did i even eat today.

didn't wake up til 2,
woke up with a migraine.

drank some vitamin water,
made ginger peach tea.

made a tuna sandwich on a hot dog bun,
so at least it was small.

i made another an hour or two later.

then i had two oreo cakesters.
i only wanted one.
of course.

i had a butter tart.

i had some grapes

i had a yogurt

i had some raspberries

then for dinner
a (thin) tuna sandwich on regular bread
and some scalloped potatoes
with some vegetables.

and i know i'm having trifle later.

i want to cry,
i want to rage,
be upset.

but i feel too numb about it.
like i've just kept eating.

at least i haven't been continuously stuffing myself
i did eat everything spaced out
unlike yesterday where i ate until i hurt all day.

workout tonight.
i WILL fucking do it.
and clean my fucking hovel.

and then tomorrow i have to look amazing
because i'm going to S's birthday dinner.

it turned from "oh my mom wants you over for dinner tomorrow"
to oh it's my birthday dinner
to oh now it's at my grampa's place

so now i'm meeting his mom dad and grampa.
christ, i have to look my bestest.

his father hates piercings xD
so i have to make sure i'm on my best "parents" attitude
no parent i've ever met has ever not loved me though.

i guess i'll try and shower tomorrow,
wake up before fucking noon xD
and i'll curl my hair,
do some pretty smokey makeup
(not too much, not too little)
and i duhno what i'll wear.
i'll have to raid my closet tonight.

least i'm a vegetarian
he wants me to bring some veggie dogs
i'll just tell him i thought i'd had some but didn't.

on another subject.
as if i didn't already think it wouldn't be hard to find me out
somebody from prettythin just added me on facebook i'm sure
i have a friend on prettythin called mintyoreos,
and some girl that looks similar has that in her name.

mehhh i did have a mini panic second.
but whatever.

so long as no one i know actually finds this blog.

too much is personal,
too much is what i wouldn't want people to see.

it's funny,
because i can spill it all to you because you can relate
and because i don't actually know you
i don't have to hide anything from you

yet i have to act the stronger person to everyone i know.
and i STILL feel like a drama queen.