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I want nothing more than to be that sexy, moody, artistic waif, lounging in a coffeeshop writing poetry, existing off of black coffee and cigarettes.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

haha i'm sick.
so i'm kind of fucked up
and i just cried cuz this girl on america's got talent was such a beautiful singer
and my baby is at commencement right meow
but OMFG

i weigh 124 right meow
and my bmi is 18.3
which makes me underweightttttt ^.^

it's wierd tho how i look
when i turn to the side,
above my hips i look sooo thin,
my ribs are more prominent,
my xlyphone,
especially my hips and my collarbones
and yes my hips and legs are slowly shrinking
but still.

i tried on dresses yesterday
(Walty took pictures and i acutlaly looked good 0.o)
and i tried on a small tube top dress
in this pleather shit so it was supposed to be skin tight
and i had a bit of extra fabric on my hips
and the top did NOT fit.

i also tried on a 3/4 gown
and it fit me in the hips
but again the top did not fit

answer to these
is that the top half of my body is extra small ^.^
and the bottom half is small
which i am damn well not going to reject
going from a M/L to a S in the hips. =]

my hips are about a 3/4 as of now
butttt i'm going to try and start working out my ass and thighs
go jogging and such more often
and i'm hoping i can get down to a 1 and then a 0
so i can be extra small on top AND bottom =]

and i applied at Spencer's
fuckign badass store
i'm hooooping i at least get an interview
hoping against HOOOOPE that i get a job
but iduhno.
if it's meant to be it will happen.

Culture Craze is full right now. x.x
and S's fucking ex K has a piercing apprenticeship.
i have nothing bad to say about her.
except she just looks .. strange i guess,
i don't know.
she especially doesn't strike me as a piercer
i'd be scared if she was gonna pierce me cuz she always looks sad/scared/pissed off 0.o
and i really wish she'd fix her eyeliner.

she's pretty !
but the eyeliner looks terrible.

gah anyways
i'm sick as fuck
had a fever last night
all over the place today
\throat is dead

but i'm really just hoping that everything turns out good.
i need a job,
i need money,
i need to lose some more weight and tone up a bit,
i need to get better,
i need to be happier. =]

i am fairly happy right now
i just need the aforementioned things to complete my happiness.

good luck to all you lovelies

don't give up.
you'll make it.

and a tip :
even if you're going to let go and eat normally,
or even binge,
then make yourself rules.
like the ones i have,
so that you still won't gain as much as you would originally think
or maybe you'll even manage to still lose

the ones i always follow are mainly
leave something on your plate ALWAYS
a bit of everything if you're eating more than one thing
share whatever you are eating gladly
drink lots of fluids
keep busy so you don't have an opportunity to eat
chew lots of gum
and if you're a smoker then break out those damn smokes !

sadly me and Walty are out T.T