Friday, June 11, 2010
I miss having my intellectuality challenged.
When i was younger and hungry for knowledge and experience,
it was so much easier,
everything was challenging.
but now everything is so simple,
everyone is so below my level,
it's like my intelligence just lays there festering in a corner.
like a prisoner in the bastille,
eyes closing and pussing,
shrivelling into nothing through disuse.
it's ironic how opposite me and S are.
he's not an unintelligent person,
his intelligence and poeticism surprise even me at times.
but he's not intellectual like i am.
he doesn't challenge me whatsoever.
i don't know what can challenge me anymore.
ugh fuck i'm so emotional today it's gross.
i've been eating ice cream all day i feel ugly and fat
yes i actually feel ugly today.
i had some sushi today,
and french fries,
but i've been noshing on ice cream to make my tongue feel better
at the point where my stomach feels distended,
and i feel like throwing up.
i just don't know what to dooooos about anything.
i want my fucking extensions.
i'm tired of this short hair shit.
i want to graduate and get my career (s ?) going
i'm going to ask my CEAP counselor if i can have my contact number changes
since i'll be attending CEAP fulltime rather than normal school
i'd like to just be contacted instead of my grandparents.
because papa gets drunk and freaks out on me for something i already have under control.
and it upsets me.
i can't stand it.
i need out.
another 6 months.
I can do it.