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I want nothing more than to be that sexy, moody, artistic waif, lounging in a coffeeshop writing poetry, existing off of black coffee and cigarettes.

ShitFace.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Haha yea that's me
for ignoring you guys
i haven't even read any blogs in like two days,
if not 3.

i'm a bit AWHOL,
i'm really not allowing myself to be on here much,
except maybe to post a little something at night

because yes,
that time has come for me too,
EXAM TIME.

haha yea.
i've got a Bio exam monday,
(somehow i dropped to 23% in class and have to pick it up in 3 days ? 0.o)
a French final next friday,

and oh did i mention i mega slacked
and now i have to basically so a semester's worth of work in three days
between my french and my sociology.
GRAWR i'm so lame i shouldn't have done this to myself.
but whatever,
i'm here now,
so i better just deal with it.
wish me luck.
i'll be back in full sooon xD


omgsh so i didn't lose any weight
i'm actually i think maybe 124/125
but my boobs shrunk like i said
and i can actually not just see shadows,
i legit see ribs.
not like i'm skinny enough to have them stick out,
but you can actually see ribs.
and my thighs
(believe it or not)
are slowly thinning i'm sure of it.
SLOWLY.
but they're getting there.
haha yea.

i haven't really been eating large amounts lately either
i actually was almost fasting for the past two days
and then i ate today
and i just didn't really want to
so i duhno i'm kind of just eating small quantities,
never finishing anything,
eating small bites,
slowly,
and paying attention to if i'm hungry.

the best incentive ever is that i know if i'm eating i'm wasting homework time.

and believe me.
i need all the time i can get.
i have HOURS of work to do.
FUCK.
xD


S spent the night last night.
I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night,
i came back and crawled into bed,
and he started mumbling.
he says really funny things in his sleep so i started making fun of his mumbling =P
i was like what ? grumble mutter sleepytalk ?
he's like how's this for sleepytalk.
What if i told you I love you ?

I was totally taken aback.
i mean you know,
the whole night i've been trying to think of how to say it.
and then he just comes out with it when i'm half asleep.

it's really weird coming from S too.
because when we first started talking,
one of the first things he said to me was that he didn't believe in love anymore.
and i was kind of just a skeptic,
rather than not believing entirely.
i just believed in being more careful with love.


alrighty here's the TMI part, and i'll put it a ways down the page,
so if there's any younger readers they can just move along now =P







apparently he actually is physically attracted to me,
which is strange for him apparently
(which is amusing because it's strange for me that i'm physically attracted to him)
but uhm yeah.
it's interesting.
but iduhno.
sex with him still confuses me.
because i'm not body-confident and knowledgeable and experienced enough to totally blow him away
but i hella fucking want to xD

i feel bad though,
because he likes to kind of smirk at me after
and make some comment about how he blew me away
and kind of you know pleasantly tease me
and i won't tell him that he hasn't yet xD
oh he's come close.
and it's not just him i think the last part to us totally connecting is me letting my guard down fully.
because i don't mean to,
but it's still kind of held in place.

whatever.
baby steps.

baby steps.

everything happens in time,
when it's meant to.
it'll feel right.

with everything.
i've realized this applies to eating as well =P


anyways i'll leave you all now.
i'mma miss you all
and i'm fucked when i come back and have to read a weeks worth of blogs D=




ohgee look i'm getting thinner ! 
=P
i don't have to squeeze into the 3s anymore. 
they actually fit good like they're supposed to. 
though my legs still hold alot of fat xD

also, 
all of you lovelies go listen to 
What's a Girl to Do by Bats For Lashes. 
or any song by them. 
i'm in love haha. =]

2 comments:

J said...

Ribs & thinning thighs & an 'I love you' from your boyfriend. I'm so happy for you <3

raiinbowAna said...

awwwwh, hunni you're so sweet =]

i promise i'll catch up on your blo soon as i'm done school in a couple days !