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I want nothing more than to be that sexy, moody, artistic waif, lounging in a coffeeshop writing poetry, existing off of black coffee and cigarettes.


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

let's have a bitch blog.

ohkay not really because S just texted me something really cute
and i just can't be grouchy when he's all cutesy xD

so i woke up and laid half asleep in bed for like half an hour
and i was daydreaming/thinking about when i move out
and so i decided to (for the millionth time) look up apartment listings, job listings, etc.
look up all the things i'd need to take care of when i move out
and make sure i can budget it all

it's always the cellphones that piss me off.
and i can't get one on a contract =/
but i just want a nice damn phone =/

i found some apartments for 600-725 $ in Chilli.,
which is where i plan to move back after i grad
so i can move to Van. for design school in a couple years

i'm scared to go apply at stores.
i'm so afraid of rejection,
so afraid i'll go through all that work and no one will like me and hire me
and i'll be left jobless for another fucking season.

i'm so shy,
i actually get too scared to apply to get a job
which is why i never have a job,
because it's rare when i have the confidence and attitude to go apply
it takes alot of guts from me to just go to a store and fucking put in a resume.
is that pathetic or what ?
i just want a fucking job.
i need a job.

at least i'm looking for a full time job,
not a part time one.
since i'm going to do online schooling for my last semester,
and just save to move out after i grad.
cuz if i can swing it,
i want to be fucking gone within a week after my grad.

ugh i'm so pathetic i'm like crying xD
i'm just anxious i want to get out and on my own
i want it so so so bad
and i need/want a job so so so bad
i need to be pulling my life together and getting shit done
not being a ridiculous fatty pile of human waste

i gained a pound again today.
i keep eating
i always eat so much with mom
we're terrible together.

i'm 125.
i need to stop this shit.
i NEED this tongue piercing today.

augh i just need to get back and get a job
please please please whoever the fuck is in charge of this cosmic shit
if i can get up the guts to actually go and apply to some stores
can you please please please let someone actually hire me ?
i'm such a good worker,
i only do jobs i love and i only apply somewhere i know i'd love
i work great with everyone
and come on,
i'm tri-lingual,
that's GOTTA get me somewhere.

haha gosh.
i don't know what's wrong with me,
sorry guys.

I'm just falling apart alittle right now,
NBD, or anything.