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I want nothing more than to be that sexy, moody, artistic waif, lounging in a coffeeshop writing poetry, existing off of black coffee and cigarettes.


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

For awhile, I was good.

under 600 calories a day,
chewing gum all day,
and then exercising at night, burning off at least 300,
but generally more like 600+ calories.
I would have been well on my way.

But then I went to visit my family and friends for a week.
You can't maintain a strict (and vegetarian) diet
in a house full of chips, chocolate, pudding, kraft dinner,
and carnivores.
At least i walked alot.

But when i brought my boyfriend back for a week,
i couldn't have him see me exercising at 11 at night,
and counting all my calories,
and the little portions i'd eat.

And i just never picked it up again after that.
Yet i was fine, it didn't hurt me,
i felt pretty good.
(false happy.)

I watched a couple episodes of Supersize vs. Superskinny today.
There was this terribly obese woman,
she was talking to the "supersize" woman of course.
But she said "That little voice in your head, that tells you 'i'll start my diet tomorrow',
That little voice is out to kill you."
I seriously started crying right there,
because it's so true, i hear that every day,
and it takes alot to suck it up and tell that voice to fuck off,
my diet starts now.

I'm starting again,
and i'm bringing my food with me when i visit next week,
and i'll have hours in the middle of the day with nothing to do
and no one home,
so I can go for jogs, and work out.

The only thing I need to conquer is the working out in the morning.
I need to be able to wake up early enough to work out,
and i need to GET OUT OF BED AND START.
but it's so hard to get out of bed,
i'm tired all the time.
Well, that makes sense,
coming from a depressed anorexic vegetarian with mild anemia. =P

I'm getting to see A this weekend,
i'm going to be in Chilliwack around noon on Saturday.
and then i'll be there for a week,
and A is taking me on a date =]
I'm so excited, it's been too long since i've seen her.