My photo
I want nothing more than to be that sexy, moody, artistic waif, lounging in a coffeeshop writing poetry, existing off of black coffee and cigarettes.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

yay me. =]
now if only i could stop fighting with S about this.
i've grown up in a female dominant family,
and i already feel protective of my not-really-there-yet bump.
over-protective. fiercely so.
and selfish. i really don't wanna share her.
i know i will.
but fuck, i just wish someone would let me be selfish.

s wants to redeem his childhood by being an amazing father
except he's making it into a contest.
and i hate it.
i wanna kick him in the fucking teeth and tell him
get lost it's all mine.

i can't though, i guess.
it'd be more helpful if he didn't want it,
to be honest.

mom wants him to move in.
i don't, because we'll just fight incessantly.

i just keep crying and getting stressed out.
i'm so tired all the time.

and i'm so so scared i'll lose this baby.
i find myself stroking my tummy protectively all the time.
i'm scared.
i'm irrational.
i'm bipolar, from the hormones.
i'm not myself.

but i'm myself and a baby.

wanna hear my names ?
I really want a girl, (Porcelain Dahlia, called Portia or Dolly)
but my boy name is kickass. (Harley Laken Scott, but called Laken.)
i would love to see a boy made by me,
but i wanta  girl so so bad.
so much more fun, and i'm so girly,
just please give me a girl.
i'll have my boy later.
please ?
all the other girls are having girls,
so please let this be the only trend i follow.

so excited. <3