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I want nothing more than to be that sexy, moody, artistic waif, lounging in a coffeeshop writing poetry, existing off of black coffee and cigarettes.

AugustEh ?

Thursday, February 24, 2011

wow, can't believe it's been that long since i last posted.
uunbelievable hay ?
no shit mang.

i'm all about slang lately
i've developed my own language of ridiculous silly slang.
i said "sucks dickle pickle" and Beni nearly died laughing.
among the top of my most said words and expressions are ::

  • sucks dickle pickle
  • s my d
  • biznatch
  • fack
  • shizballs
  • doucher (douche canoe, douchebag, doucherybaggery)
  • myeh (meh, nyeh, mrawer)
  • ballsage
  • stoked
  • ace
  • effcicles
and a bunch of random shit i can't be bothered to remember at this time. =P

i'm currently sitting in my nutso aesthetics class.
we're all kinda stir crazy
our teacher got cancer about a week or two into the new semester,
when we were all supposed to be starting makeup and waxing
so we literally have done nothing
we've had a sub 3 weeks now,
still no replacement teacher,
and we just want to do our damn makeup.

C flaked out on me last minute,
from the one thing i've ever asked her to do for me in 2 years of knowing her.
i was so fucking pissed and hurt.
she promised me months in advance to be my model for my exam in Van
and then said she had "tummy pains" the night before.
literally, night before.
i had no time, and no one else would go with me.
so needless to say, i was effed.
everyone else passed, they had an easy exam instructor.
and i was fuckered.

still bitter.
i didn't talk to her for a couple weeks.

me and S are back together.
it took a hookup and then shut down from otherC,
a hookup with a guy i thought i could make my boyfriend,
and an almost hookup with a truly nasty guy
to realize that there wasn't anything out there in the world i was missing.
at this point, i was pissed,
thinking i'd be left alone and never find someone.

then i started talking to S again,
and i missed talking to him so much,
and i saw him on webcam and started bawling.
that was when i realized how much i missed him,
how much he meant to me.

i gave it a month, talked to him a bunch,
then had him come see me during winter break.
for the first time seeing each other in 4 months,
and our anniversary is now new years day.
and i can't tell you how fucking happy i am.
i am monstrously lonely without him,
he is like the air i breathe,
the blood in my veins,
the sunshine to my daisy.
i love when he visits,
because if i have a nightmare i know i'll be in his arms,
and when i wake in the morning i know he's there with me.
i don't ever want him to leave me for a second.

it's so bad though.
as happy as i am,
i'm so depressed when he's not here.
and it's been getting worse and worse.
it's not all missing him (though that is a large, large part),
but it's school, having no friends, mom stressing me out, etc.
and S just makes it bearable.
i talk on the phone to him every night,
but as soon as he says goodbye i tear up,
and sob until i sleep.
that's this week's development.

mom rescued a kitten (big one, mind you) from under our house,
i'd been hearing it meow all weekend and wondered where it was.
turns out the little sweetheart is so my cat.
she sleeps on my bed at night,
and guards me from Smoky, our other cat, in the morning. =P
she's part siamese we think, all black with a white star on her chest
it looks like she's wearing a pendant, so I named her Bijou.
Bibi, or Princess Bibi for short (because of her high maintenance attitude =P)

coming to school at 830 am and leaving at 9pm is such a fucking toll.
it just builds up and up and up,
and now i'm just exhausted at best.
not to mention incredibly bitter.
i don't want to be going to class anymore.
although i'd decided i would feel better when we started makeup,
now that our teacher is out,
and we've done virtually nothing but repeat last semester's theory for 3 weeks,
i'm absofuckinglutely fed up.
just rawrawrawr.

at least I get to chill with Beni in school alil bit.
and i think Char Char from hairdressing likes me.
i got her number to hang out
(though not on a date, cuz i don't wanna date her xD)
and i'm excited.
we seem to have alot in common,
and it'd be nice to see someone outside of school.

i'm starved for social contact.

I don't know if i'll be regular in posting, ladies who still read.
my computer is broken, i'm broke,
and we are "supposedly" getting a new teacher on monday,
who might not let us on the computers as often.

my eating isn't consistent.
i've been eating oodles,
but i'm 124 according to our new scale.
i'm a size 3, albeit a slight muffintop size 3.
if i was 120 then i think i'd fit a touch better.
i'm tempted to start counting again,
but i'm really not sure if i should.
iw as so happy for awhile,
but i just liked the control of counting calories.
i still do it subconsciously,
just not obsessively.

not seeing S for another 4 weeks or so.
longest time apart since we started seeing each other again.

weekend for me.
hopefully gonna get to hang with Char Char.

I miss you all terribly.